Knitting Rules For Chronic Screaming Depression

1. Never knit dark grey socks. This goes for navy blue and white too. Life is just to short to knit boring socks you can buy at Target $6.00 for a package of twelve.

2. Never knit anything grey in the winter. Seasonal Affective Disorder is not just for neurotic middle age women. Why stack the deck? If you live in a cold, rainy, northerly place the absolute last thing you want is a giant pile of more darkness in your lap waiting to become a sweater.

3. Knit bright colors. You don't have to make everything in royal blue or shocking pink but do consider adding a pop of color to your knitting. After knitting a beige cardigan make a few cherry red wash clothes, or lime green cats toys, you'll feel better.

4. Knit something small. Working on a small project can give you a sense of accomplishment when nothing else you're working on seems to be going anywhere. I like interspersing my big projects with baby bibs, booties, dish rags and cat toys, really anything you can pick up and finish in a couple hours is fabulous.

5. Listen to music while you knit. Sing out loud. Some people like background noise, some people don't, I like a bit but not an actual conversation that I have to pay attention to when I'm feeling blue. But I find it impossible to sing and be depressed at the same time. I can listen to Machines of Loving Grace all damn day and still be in a rotten mood but singing off key to the radio perks me right up, and the cats never complain about my lack of singing skill. The extra bonus is you can sing and look at your knitting at the same time.

6. Don't drink and knit. Alcohol is a depressant. This is bad. And when you sober up and see all the mistakes you made on that nice lace scarf you'll feel even worse.

7. Find other knitters. Even if you don't knit in company, even if you have trouble leaving the house, other knitters are a godsend. They will laugh with you, cry with you, and above all understand you when you get teary over a cashmere blend yarn that your dog got ahold of and buried in the yard.

8. Knit for others. Some days it's hard to get motivated to make something for yourself, so make something for someone else. I don't actually use knitted wash clothes, or bibs, and I have plenty of hats. I do have a growing pool of folks to foist off my quick pick-me-up projects.

Pixel under the Icelandic Lace Shawl

9. Knit something gorgeous just for you. Sometimes I don't like my body very much. Some days I don't feel like I'm worthy of having a really nice thing made with really luscious yarn. I'll spend money getting that perfect yarn for the kid's christmas presents but not me. Do it anyway! Knit yourself an alpaca lace shawl or a silk/merino cardigan. If you're a petite then knit a whole bathrobe. If you're on the plushy side then accept who you are and go buy more yarn. Just working with the super soft yarn will make you happier.

10. Life is to short to knit with yarn you hate. Don't do it. If you hate the color, the texture, or if it's just hard to work with, then don't do it. Sometimes you have to fight your knitting, don't fight your yarn too. I don't care if it was a gift, if your five year old picked it out specially because it's their absolute favorite color and they will die with out it, or the wool fumes at your local yarn shop got to you and you bought it on sale, take your crap yarn and give it to Goodwill. Some one there will love it and it will take up less space in your house.

Bobbie thinks his Mom is nuts for putting knitting on him to take pictures.

 Seriously though, depression sucks, and I joke and make light of it because that's how I deal with uncomfortable subjects. And this isn't just about knitting, and this isn't just about dealing with depression. Humor is a weapon I use every day to fight depression. I also knit. Making things makes me feel better. So go out there and knit, and feel better. Maybe life will surprise you with cashmere.

Knitting With Cats

Or perhaps it would be more acurate to say knitting around cats, because cats do interfere with your knitting. So here are some simple rules I have found that help me cope with catly interference.

1. Your cat loves you, and he will express this love by laying on you while you are knitting. Especially if he can manage to lay on the yarn ball and or a strategic corner of your project making it neccessary to move him before finishing or starting a new row. There is really no way around this one. Your cat has the upper hand here. You love him, and would never lob him across the room for snagging your very delicate and complicated lace shawl. He will also feel free to sleep on any pattern, book, or charted design you're working from. Making it neccessary to shuffle the cat from your knitting, off your lap, off your pattern, off your working yarn ball and hopefully off your couch. He may or may not get the hint at this point. Sometimes I resort to locking him out of the house or briding him with catnip.

2. Your cat loves your yarn, especially if it is expensive or impossible to replace. If you bought a silk/mohair yarn on a special trip to Portland for half price, because they don't make that size skein in that colorway anymore, that is the yarn your cat will want to make his very own stuffy. Fortunately this problem has a simple solution. Bag it, box it, or stick it in a cupboard. If you have an open work basket, shove it under an endtable or lock it in a closet. Never under estimate the yarn thieving abilities of your average cat, or you will wake up with yarn balls strung a round your dining room table, into the living room and down the hall to the laundry machines. Ask me how I know.

3. Completed or semi completed knitting projects make perfect cat beds. If your project is complete and just needs to go in the wash this isn't as much of a problem. If your project is still on the needles and becomes you cats favoritest place to sleep, there by knocking stitches loose, and making you swear a blue streak as your try to pick them all up again, it's more of a problem. But then you really can't blame the cat for sleeping on afgans you made for sleeping on in the first place.

4. As far as your cat is concerned yarn is a toy. You love yarn. You love the way it feels, how it flows through your hands and on to the needles, the texture, the color, and even the smell. So does your cat. Only he likes to bat it around your whole house and pack it around like a dead rat. If you're very unlucky he also likes to eat it, or at least chew on it. How do I know this?

I have yarn loving cats, all four of the little beggers. Pixel, Crystal, and Bugaboo all love wool. I cannot even count the number of times I have had to start a new ball of yarn because they've gnoshed through it, usually in mid-row, usually while the little darling was laying on my lap. Sentry, on the other hand, likes cotton. Only he likes to eat it. Now actually digesting yarn is bad for cats. It won't go through and you have to have the vet surgically remove what ever won't pass. This scares me a bit to think that my yarn could kill my cat, so when I see him snacking and he has a big ol' strand of yarn hanging out of his mouth I pull it out. I once pulled 2 1/2 yarns of dishrag cotton, dripping kitty spit and all slimy, out of him mouth. Yuck. I do not have pictures of this and I don't ever want to do it again. I keep my cotton locked up now.

5. If you blog about knitting your cat will become obsessed with walking on your keyboard. The picture says it all. It once took me five minutes to figure out that the reason a page wasn't loading was because he was laying on the esc key.

6. Who ate my double points? Cats have a hard time resisting wooden needles. Who can blame them, so do I. I however, do not chew on the ends. I now have two sets of double points that used to have five needles a piece and now only have four. Darned cat. Again the solution is to hide them from your cats. I have special bags for my needles and after they're bagged I put them in the cupboard. So far this has worked, because I'm a needle snob and I'll be damned if I'm going to use aluminum needles because of the cats.

I hope you've found these rules helpful. Or at least entertaining. I'm sure there will be more catly interference with my knitting and I'll need to come up with more rules. But my cats and I have reached an understanding and if they claw up my shawl while I'm blocking it I refuse to be responsible for my actions.

10 Rules For Knitting While Watching TV

I like to knit in the evening while I'm watching TV. I'm really bad at just sitting still so this is about the only way I can sit through a whole TV show. So here are my rules. Your mileage may vary.

1. Knit during the commercials. This is the best time to get some serious knitting done without missing the good parts of the show.
2. Stop knitting if the suspense gets to much for you. I don't generally watch scary shows but I do like mystery shows and if the actions get to suspenseful you could tense up. You could end up with an hourglass shape in the middle of your knitting because the tension went from nice and easy to oh my gods tight.
3. Don't knit from charts. The constant looking back and forth will make you either screw up your knitting or miss your show. This is not the time to do complicated intarsia.
4. Do knit patterns with lots of repeats. Simple lace, simple cables, plain textured knitting are all good choices for TV watching.
5. Wait to count rows or stitches until the commercials. You'll be less distracted.
6. Don't watch really funny comedies. One rerun of Coupling was enough to make me laugh so hard 3 stitches had fallen off the end of the needles before I even noticed.
7. TV time is great for boring knitting. TV is what gets me through 96 rounds of stockinette on that really big felted bag.
8. You can't eat and knit and watch TV. Generally you can't eat and knit any way but this is especially true while trying to watch TV. But then this is not a disadvantage if you're dieting.
9. Don't let your knitting take up the entire couch. If you live alone you can pretty much ignore this rule but I have to share my couch with 4 cats a husband and 3 kids. Husband gets grouchy when there is no where for him to sit because of all the yarn, patterns, notions, needles, et all. He also gets upset when he sits on double points, go figure. The cats just walk all over everything and lay on my knitting any way.
10. Be prepared. Have your knitting, patterns, notions, a drink and everything handy. So you don't have to get up. You can also ignore this rule if you have children you can send to fetch you the things you need. First you have to teach them what a cable needle is though, and you run the risk of them playing with your measuring tape.

All rules can be ignored if you're in the same room as the TV but aren't actually watching it. Husband likes to have me in the same room when he's watching movies. He calls this spending time together. He is mistaken. He is watching TV. I am ignoring the TV and doing something constructive. We are merely in the same room. Oh well, it makes him feel better.